Because YOLO

Philippians 4:4-9

I wonder if Drake knew what he was starting, in back 2011 when he told us, “You already know though - you only live once ‒ that’s the motto…YOLO,” Did he know scores of young (and not-so-young) people would adopt this as their anthem, pledging their loyalty to questionable decision making…?

“Wanna see me do a hand stand while driving this motorcycle? YOLO, dude!"

“I dare you to head butt that wall as hard as you can – haha, YOLO!!”

Some folks online refer to YOLO as the “Carpe Diem for stupid people” because it provides license to live recklessly.  Life is short and you only live once – so seize the day, live it up!  A guy in California Tweeted that he was drunk driving at 120 mph at 1am - #YOLO -  and then he lost control of his car, crashed it and killed himself with four other people.  In the Christian community, YOLO is often actively discouraged because of its hedonistic connotations.  Fast cars, money, sex, drugs, rock & roll…

We’re days away from starting a new year.  This is my very most favorite time of the year.  Not the actual Christmas season (I know - *gasp* - but stick with me people, my favorite holiday is Easter, ok?).  It’s the few days leading up to another new year - I love it!  Not because of the resolutions; I’m actually not that resolution-y.  Because it’s a time when I can look back over the past year, at what God brought me to and through.  Whether that’s my Grandpa’s funeral on my birthday (yes, really), or getting a puppy (I love you, Malachi!), or eating grapes in Barcelona on New Year’s Eve (it’s a thing, I swear).  I can look back on a relatively small span of time and see the strength, the love, the mercy that my God showed me as I traversed life in the palm of His hand.

So like I said, I don’t do resolutions. I didn’t lose ten pounds last year or the year before that (ok fine, let’s keep it real – I gained 20lbs instead, but whatever).  I didn’t make it to the gym every single day and I ate cereal out of the box for dinner more than once in 2014.  I already know chances are good that in 2015 I will drink more Sprite than water and I will probably not run a half marathon (again) next year either.  That’s ok, though, because YOLO, right?

Here’s the thing.  I actually like YOLO.  A lot.  Not because it gives me the freedom to eat the dough before I make the cookies…because YOLO is a commitment to seizing the opportunity to live passionately.  As Christians, what are we the most passionate about?

Jesus.

So, when I look back over 2014, seeing all the ways God has walked with me, guided me, stood with me…I know, that I can enter 2015 with the confidence and the passion of my First Love.  When I see an unbelieving friend having a hard day, I find the courage to ask her if we can pray together – because, YOLO.  I can lead a Bible study for the first time, that includes new and pre-Christians, because YOLO.  I can financially support a ministry I believe in, because YOLO.  I can give selflessly to people who don’t understand “No, you do not owe me one” – because YOLO. 

It’s true; we only live once.  As Christians, we know that once happens to be forever, but while we’re here, on this earth, coexisting with countless people whose YOLO has an expiration date – shouldn’t we make this life a good one? I, for one, plan to seize the day – everyday.  I want to do everything I can in this life to live passionately for my Savior.  I want to close my eyes and take the leap into His arms in 2015, shrieking “YOLOOOOOO!” Because although my “once” may be eternal, my time on this earth is not.  I want to let God work through me whichever way He will, every single moment that I’m here – because YOLO. 

“Desire that your life count for something great! Long for your life to have eternal significance. Want this! Don’t coast through life without a passion.” John Piper

(I know some of you will just love my quote selection's author, lol - look past that! xx) 

 

 

 Love y'all...

 



She’s Chasing What, Now…?

Once upon a time, a long time ago…I blogged. I liked it, and I was good at it. Or so people told me.  But, in all honesty, life was kicking my butt at around the same time and I came to find myself in a box.  It’s a good thing my income didn’t depend on my ability to write, or I wouldn’t be here today!  There were times I’d resolve to blog – I would sit down with my laptop and literally grunt with effort to squeeze something out.  It wasn’t fun. I wasn’t good at it.

So I quit.

Over the last several months, I’ve come to realize that after a couple of false starts, that phase of my life really is (thankfully) over.  2014 was the seventh year of what had the hardest season of my life so far. But I’ve realized – seven is the holy number. The number of completion.  My ordeal is over and I can step into 2015 with the strength and wisdom I’ve gained.

It seemed only fitting to return to blogging, since that desire still remained.  I’m not the same person I was before, so my first step was to change my blog’s name. Not unlike many folks in the Bible, now that I think about it! The name part, not the blog part.  Chasing Rainbows came to me, but I wasn’t sure. I sat on it for some time…thinking…mulling it over, deciding how I felt.  When it first came to my mind, it made me chuckle.  Will people assume I’m writing a homosexual dating blog…? I tried the name out on a couple of people and decided that although humorous, my reason for hesitating wasn’t as obvious as I’d thought.

Not just clip art, people - this is really from here!

So, please say hello to my new blog – it’s pretty descriptive, I think.  She’s Chasing Rainbows. All day every day, both literally and figuratively.  The last time I actively blogged, I was living in Central California, where I’d moved to take some time to heal – “yoga for my soul”, I called it.  This time, you’ll find me living on an island in Portugal, where unique weather patterns mean literally every day you can find a rainbow somewhere in the sky.

There’s more, though.  As I realized 2014 was my year of completion, as I realized I’ve “made it through” and 2015 will quite literally be a new chapter, I relished God’s faithfulness. And I was reminded what the sign of his faithfulness and promises is to us: the rainbow. I don’t consider it coincidence that my valley season ended on an island in the middle of nowhere, overflowing with rainbows – a message to me, His daughter.

He is good. He is faithful.  And I will chase after Him, His blessings and His promises for all of my days.  I hope you’ll join me here, in my little re-vamped corner of the blog-o-sphere as I document the Great Adventure I have chasing His rainbows.

Love y'all...

 

The Deep End of the Ocean

So, I’ve wanted to blog for a while, but whenever I sit down to do it, I freeze up.  There is a lot of junk in the past several years that I’m in the process of cleaning up and sometimes blogging tempts me to spend too much time in dark places where I shouldn’t be.  The thing is, I haven’t posted in a year and I feel obligated to fill in those blanks.  But I can’t.  I just can’t.  So I think I have to start fresh – and be ok with that.  Just let it be.  Maybe as time goes on, those blanks will fill themselves in naturally, without me having to write a onetime dissertation on the subject.

I was going to wait 14 days, to post this, marking the one year “anniversary” of sorts.  But this is a new beginning, and I don’t want to schedule something that significant.  I think it will be hard, probably full of small victories my lovely readers might not even notice, but it will be good.  It will be good and I want to get started as soon as possible.  The Lord, in his infinite wisdom has brought me to a little Portuguese island in the middle of nowhere, to continue my journey.  I live in Portugal, now.  I live in PORTUGAL now!!  Who says that?!  I mean, other than Portuguese people and all the people on this base, lol. I certainly never in my wildest dreams, thought it would be me.  I see Portugal as a continuation of my Central California year of Yoga for the Soul (also known as 2009).  It was there, that I learned about this somewhat secret slice of heaven.

I left California to return to DC.  I can’t explain my feelings about Washington DC or my time there, or whether or not it was a good idea to return.  When I try, I feel myself go to a dark place.  So I know that for now, at least, it’s best for me to put that down and take a break.  Just like an abusive relationship (of which I consider myself familiar), I returned to that city for more…trying to prove something, or gain something that I’m not completely sure I ever did.  But also like an abusive relationship, I know that whatever happens I can’t – and won’t – go back. I want to experience this goodness and I’m looking forward to the next good thing.

I suspect that not all of my freezing up has to do with past trauma or negative influences.  There’s a fair part of me that knows my best writing was accomplished when I was “like this” with God.  When we were so close I could drive down the highway and hear his voice, or sit at my keyboard and let him use my fingers.  I know there is a calling there; he wants me back.  If I want to write again – to write well again – I will have to cultivate that deep relationship again.  Even though I believe, even though I love the Lord so much, that level of relationship is overwhelming and intimidating.  But still, I want it.

When I decided to try to return to blogging, my first instinct was to change the name of my blog, so that people – certain people – couldn’t find it as easily as they once could.  One thing I’m learning right now, is to recognize resistance and to give God a chance to reveal Himself through it.  My blog is called Miangels4ever.  Forever is a long time.  Forever is…indestructible.  Forever cannot be ruined or changed or destroyed…it preservers.  And so will I.

Love y’all,

~M~

Roll with the Punches

Recently, I got news that could affect my life forever.  I’ve wavered between dumbstruck, panicked and un-phased.  But at the present moment, I’m focused on not wasting any amount of time unhappy.

Four and a half years ago, with a deep breath and fingers crossed, I stepped out of the small town life I’d been born and raised in, to see what else life had to offer.  I’ve spent four and a half years and more money than I care to calculate chris-crossing the country, seeking the destination that would provide the life I want.  The life I have always wanted.  In retrospect, I can say that every day has taught me that life is not like Burger King – you can’t just “have it your way”.

Five days ago, I completed my first 5K(!!!!!).  It’s been almost two years since I injured myself preparing for what would have been my first 5K and had to bow out.  So, this time, my goal was simply to finish.  I asked a friend to join me, because I knew she’d done races before.  A few weeks before our race, she suggested we check out a local race, so I’d have some idea of what to expect at ours.  I learned about the registration table and the little tags you tie to your shoelace to track you time and that it’s ok to drop your little water cup on the ground and keep it moving...As we headed back to my friend’s apartment, we had to cross a street that was in the race route.  Waiting for a walk signal and a break in the runners had us standing there for a few minutes.  And that’s when I saw him.  At first, I was struck by the three people on a leisurely stroll right down the middle of the runner’s route.  What are they doing?!  Then, I could see one was a very old man (aaah, maybe a nursing home escapee...) and two women – one older than the other, but both younger then the man.  Intrigued, I watched them come closer and what I saw I never want to forget.  The man – easily pushing 90+ years old – was wearing a runner’s number on his chest.

I called my old and dear friend, The Hawaiian, 3,000 miles away, to help me process the news of my life’s recent twists and turns.  I desperately needed some of her insight and her island calm.  “It’s so cliché,” she said quietly, in her soothing calm voice that I knew she was pulling out especially for me, “but nobody said life would be easy, right?  If we’re going to make it through, we can’t stand all stiff and stubborn, we have to roll with it.”  I think the type of senior citizen who would participate in a 5k with a cane in one hand and two people holding him up, is the kind of person who has learned to roll with it.  Obviously he’s lived a long life and has experienced any number of things – good and bad.  He’s weathered the negative experiences, but hasn't let them define him.

I’ve come to realize, I suffer from a recurring case of whiplash.  When I see my life moving in one direction, I get comfortable and settle in for that ride.  Then, when my life zigs where I zag, I stumble and struggle to regain my balance.  God let’s that happen to me, to keep me on my toes and to help me remember that the only thing I can count on in this life, is Him.  This life isn’t what we want, but what we get.  And if life is what we get, then it’s what we do with it that matters.  What we think and what we believe is what we live out – it determines our actions.  So today, I am choosing not to waste any moment of happiness in despair.  Because even when the going gets tough, we are called to hang in there, and persevere.  To roll with the punches.  Because life is good, even when it’s bad – because I am in Christ Jesus.

 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

Love y'all!
 ~M~

A Christian Carrie Bradshaw

From: Courtney
To: Missmiangels
Subj: Waiting...

So seriously – when are you going to blog again? I miss your posts, they make me think. You’re like a Christian Carrie Bradshaw.

xoxo,
C

Two things about friends: (1) They see you in ways you don’t see yourself and (2) They’re always encouraging you to be your best you. My blogging as been lacking in the last...well, couple of years. But that doesn’t stop my friend from emailing me on a recurring basis to ask what’s up and when the next installment will arrive. Recently, her consistant but still unexpected, near one-liners have had me thinking. People actually read what I write. I balked, when I first read her comparison to the illustrious CB. But as the weeks (ok, fine, months) have passed I’ve become more comfortable with the idea. Because really, I am.

So I’m going to try yet again to blog more consistently. To share my observations on faith and on this crazy life I’m living and how the two relate. I don’t always get it right and I don’t always succeed, but that’s when I can revel in the grace God’s given me. My life might not be the life I would have chosen for myself, but it’s the life God has seen fit to give me and it’s been unmistakably a great adventure! :))

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost.  And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”  ~ Carrie Bradshaw

Love y'all,
Mimi

 

Even If...

My dog dies; My body chemistry changes so I smell like pizza every day, no matter what; I never take another trip in this lifetime; I lose my job and my apartment and my car; I don’t get to lead a small group; my coworkers hate me; only crazy men ever love me; I gain 100 pounds; I never lose another pound; my hip never heals; I never meet “The One”; I never become a mom; I lose touch with my best friends; I never make new friends; I never get out of debt; my family never speaks to me again; I develop a persistent dandruff problem; I get gout; I get gas; I never get another raise; I never date again; I lose the serenity I found in California; the love of my life breaks my heart…again; it never stops raining; Spring stops existing; my cable never gets turned back; Redbox stops updating their movies; my contact prescription gets discontinued; Sarah grows up and gets married before me; my neighbors keep fighting; my iPod isn’t on my desk when I get to work tomorrow; my coworker resumes stalking me; I get backne; Brazilian waxes are linked to cancer; my Blackberry dies; I catch the plague; Groupon goes away; I live in this apartment when I’m 80; I never get back into HR; I never move to Germany; I never visit Venice; I never see the Holy Land; the MARC stops running; I never buy a home again; he comes back to my church; he starts attending my other church; the other "he" starts attending my church; *both* "he’s" attend my church (man, that would suuuuck lolol); that video from ‘09 goes viral; no one answers when I call; no one cares when I cry; my pastor is caught in a sex scandal; my pastor is caught in any scandal; Britney Spears is voted the greatest performer of all time; gas prices reach $9.00 a gallon; Starbucks goes out of business; Red Velvet cake is no longer hip and therefore so incredably easy to find, anytime, anywhere; my arch nemesis gets to my engagement ring first; my wedding chapel is booked from now until…don’t call us, we’ll call you; skinny jeans never go out of style; I always battle the bulge;  debit cards really do turn out to be the mark of the beast; I voted for the anti-Christ for president (jkjk!); my boss takes away my Regular Day Off; I have to move back home; all of my teeth fall out; he turns out to be gay after all; I never find a perfect hair dresser or masseuse or nail tech again; the friend I called a sister abandons me; the man who is my father abandons me; the woman who is my mother abandons me; I can no longer see the stars or the harvest moon; I have to keep this stupid tattoo for the rest of my life; he stays 3,000 miles away because he’s so stinking stubborn; she never calls; it’s just me and Malachi for the next 10 years; I never meet Kai; all my fingers fall off and I can no longer write…even if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about, my only concern in this life will still remain: to love God, and seek daily to bring glory to Him. :)

Love y'all,
~M~

No Normal Friday

“God is on a cross.  The creator of the universe is being executed.  Spit and blood are caked on his cheeks and his lips are cracked and swollen.  Thorns rip his scalp.  His lungs scream with pain.  His legs knot with cramps…and there is no one to save him, for he is sacrificing himself.  It is no normal six hours…it is no normal Friday.” ~ Max Lucado

So whether you're lying to your boyfriend, or living with your girlfriend, beating your children or cheating on your taxes, if you're drinking, gambling or shopping away your paycheck, whether you're tired or angry, bitter or jealous, if you're lazy or controlling or depressed or afraid...today, He died for us.  Lest we forget.

“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” 1 Peter 2:24-25

Wordless Wednesday

Time Will Tell

When I first moved to Maryland in the Spring of 2007, I found a church that met at a high school a handful of blocks from where my apartment had been.  For reasons I can’t even remember today, I didn’t end up making that church my home and so started the journey that has brought me to where I am today.  But yesterday, after walking just a few blocks from my current apartment…I found myself at that very same church again.  They were having a celebration, because they are preparing to open their new building – not even a mile from where I live.

Yesterday I went to a wonderful women’s conference at a church that a friend of mine is very active in.  At the last minute she wasn’t able to attend with me, so I contemplated skipping it all together.  On Friday evening, a different friend came by for some girl time and to meet Malachi.  She’s a Christian as well so I confessed that I wanted to skip the event out of fear.  Together we agreed that would be a bad idea and discussed all the reasons why.  Then, Saturday morning she texted me to make sure I was up and getting ready to go.  The conference speaker was the best I’ve heard in a long time and I was blessed beyond measure by attending.

On the way to church this morning I was struck by two separate thoughts.  Bitterness that the man I was planning to marry just a few months ago, would be so impatient with me while I struggled to find myself here and the knowledge that I hadn’t yet returned the  paperwork for membership at my church, or the application to work with the youth group.  The thoughts converging on me at the same time where overwhelming and have distracted me for most of the afternoon.  This area I have moved to, it holds so much promise and opportunity for me.  I feel like a kid in a candy store, I can’t decide what I want to try first.  I can’t wait to jump in and experience all of it.  Be consumed by it, I want to be used by God here and to touch lives and be touched by lives.  I can’t wait!

But, I must.  Because God doesn’t work in my time, but his.  He loves me, so He might give me glimpses of all of these opportunities…but it’s my job to follow, not to run up ahead.  Because if I push too hard – if I am impatient and restless – then I may change the outcome of my efforts all together.  Something beautiful could be lost just because I couldn’t just wait.



It’s not easy, this waiting business.  But I know I have tools to do it.  I have prayer, I have people who love and support me and I have lots and lots of time – I have my whole life, if necessary – and I would rather see the miracles that result from God’s timing then the “ok” results from mine. 

So I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, here.  Continue to take each opportunity to meet people and share in experiences.  And just the same way that spring is already on its way - the Spring that will mark the fourth year of this adventure - when it arrives, I’ll be in a different place from where I am now.  I’m so curious to see where it will be, and what it will be like but for now I have to trust that it will come and it will be wonderful, because this time I gave it to God to develop.

Love y'all!
~M~

Tree of Life

“There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go of.” ~ Anonymous

I am here.  I made it back to DC.  God is faithful – He delivered me (practically with a bow on my head) not only back to the DC area, but to the same area I ran away from last year.  I am blessed.  I have possibly the cutest apartment in the most convenient area and have the cutest new car to troll around my new area in.  God is faithful.  He has met all of my needs.  I am alone.  Five months ago, the last time I blogged, I contemplated taking risks.  I had no idea how mine would pay off, but I hoped for the best.  That what I desired most of all would come to fruition.  But it has not.  Once again, one year later, I am here and blessed…and alone.

I’m not sure yet just what my thoughts are on this recent turn of events.  It’s only now been 24 hours.  My eyes hurt, my stomach muscles ache, I’ve eaten approximately seven grapes all day and I can’t look a single person in the eye without bursting into tears.  Zumba tonight was quite a feat – I should feel special and excited that my teacher remembers my name and has began talking to me in class.  But…tonight?  My care group chose tonight to review the group covenant and by the time we reached the bullet about supporting each other in prayer, I was hyperventilating.  Again. 

I really wanted this.  I prayed for 13 months and 3,000 miles for direction, clarification, hope.  I can clearly recall March 8th when he emailed me and invited me on a date – to pursue me, with the intention of marrying me, he’d said.  I remember standing in a stall in the ladies’ room, my head pressed against the door, just praying.  I had worked so hard for so many months to put – and keep – God first in my life.  Before everything.  Before my love, before my desire to get married, before my desire to have children.  And then, the ultimate test was in front of me. 

I remembered Abraham and Isaac.  Abraham’s love for God was so great that Abraham was willing to sacrifice his only, cherished and longed for son.  Because he knew God had a plan.  I wanted to always remember – always – that whatever happened, I should be able to give my love up if the time came.  Because God has a plan.  And as hard as it may be, or as wrong as it may seem, my only job is to trust that.  Then, tonight, as she was leaving, a woman at care group who I hadn’t met before handed me a small slip of paper and smiled.  I opened it and read…

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”” Jeremiah 29:11

It’s a verse I’ve read many times before – it was my life verse in high school, in fact.  But tonight, it felt like a hug.  It took me back to that bathroom stall, thinking about Abraham and wondering if I would ever in life be so brave as to trust God’s plan that way…and now, just six months later – and as I troll around Montgomery County realizing so much of my familiarity with the area is directly thanks to my love – I realize, that I am.

Five months ago, my pastor reminded me that to get the good stuff, I’ve got to go out on a limb.  So I did…and I learned that sometimes that limb can break before I can reach the prize.  I learned that if it does break, it will hurt.  But that should never stop me and I will always hold out hope for another season – because life is long and ultimately I know that I am rooted in the Tree of Life.

Love y'all,
~M~

A-MEN!!

Love y'all!
~M~

Fruit Doesn’t Grow on the Trunk

"Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter.  Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it."

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Six weeks ago, I started on a journey that will possibly - likely - change my life.  Most of the people I know, who know about my decision, have been skeptical and something less then supportive.  Initially, I was so hurt that the people I love and who love me would be so pessimistic.  Initially I wondered if their reluctance was a sign from God that I should pay attention to.  But the peace that I feel whenever I pray over this, confirms for me that I’m doing the right thing.  I don’t know what will happen, how this will end…but I know that I’m doing what God would have me do and I know there is something to be learned and/or accomplished from this experience.  So even if it doesn’t go the way I would prefer, I will be happy – and content – because I know I followed God.

Two years ago, I dated a man I wanted to marry.  Our break-up darn near killed me and exposed traits in me I didn’t even know I had.  The experience taught me that I cannot say, “I would never do that” – because you just never know(!).  The months after our relationship ended, the months that I spent piecing my life back together, taught me much about God’s sovereignty, our own free will, trust and also forgiveness.

I used to call him MSO – My Special One, more special than any one I’d known before.  Which is, to me, a gold star example of the sovereignty of God’s plan.  The man I knew then was slightly flawed but perfect for me as far as I was concerned.  And now, two years later, he’s better than I ever could have imagined.  Seeing this change in him, the skepticism from my loved ones hurts me.  But I’m trying to remember that these loved ones who know we’re communicating again, have less information to work with, then I do.  They haven’t talked to him countless times daily, every day for six weeks.  They haven’t had the opportunity to see the changes in this man.  They haven’t prayed for guidance and felt the complete sense of peace.  They just know that they love me and that I loved him.  And that he hurt me…so they don’t love him.

But I hope that they will cautiously give him another chance, the same way I have.  Because regardless of how this journey will end, I can see that God is in it.  The person I am called to be through this journey is a truer, deeper Christian then I have been before.  Because the question in this experience really isn’t whether or not to let this man back into my life, whether or not he will hurt me again.  It’s whether or not to trust that God has a plan for me.  Whether or not to believe that even if this experience doesn’t end the way I would hope, that it has come to me for a reason.  To exercise my belief that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.

I don’t know how this will end.  I’m praying and seeking, diligently holding fast to my plan to move back to DC for myself.  And I’m trying to be open and aware of the new things God is showing me and the new ways God is growing me, and that perhaps he is using this very special person for a purpose.  For 17 years I’ve trusted in Him.  Taking one small step and then another and another, more and more boldly each time.  I never want to lose that.  I never want to lose the promise that when I take a leap of faith, God will be there to catch me.  And as if to affirm that desire, this morning my pastor spoke directly to me from the stage, when he said, “Fruit doesn’t grow on the trunk, friends – to get the good stuff, you’ve got to go out on a limb.”

Love y’all!
~M~

I Found God in Barack Obama

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve blogged. I’ve had a zillion things on my mind, which, I imagine will find their ways onto these pages, eventually. So much has happened since my grandpa died, I don’t really know where to start and it’s causing me a decent amount of writer’s block, to be honest. But recently when I saw a little blurb in the news about my favorite president, I chuckled and was reminded of my partial goal to see God in random things this year. So…I found God in Barack Obama.

On April 5th, at a baseball game in Washington DC, President Obama threw the first pitch of the game. Wearing a Washington Nationals jacket, he jogged to the pitcher’s mound bare headed. But then before making the actual pitch, he paused, pulled a Chicago White Sox cap out of his pocket and pulled it tight over his head. He then stood for a moment, grinning and looking around proudly. HA! Standing on the pitcher’s mound before throwing the first pitch of the game, Barack Obama took the perfect opportunity to represent for a completely different team!!!! :-D Because you can take the boy outta Chicago, but you can’t take Chicago outta the boy! His actions hit the news (naturally) but so far as I can tell, there is no decided reaction one way or the other. I choose to believe this is because deep down, even the most dedicated fan understands the concept of, well, dedication.

Barack Obama and his White Sox cap are sealed into my memory, as an illustration of dedication, of commitment – and of how to represent my faith in Jesus Christ. My life is so…daily. I go to work, I go to the gym, I walk my dog, I go to the grocery store. As a Christian, I am called to live in this world, but not be of this world – to be a light in the darkness. Like my president, who now lives in DC, but remembers where he's from.  I want to take the time to conciously pull on the attire of the beliefs I proclaim: among others, patience, peace, humilty, boldness, love...So that, whether they be few and far between, or come repeatedly every day, when my moments come to stand grinning on the mound, my cap will proclaim that regardless of my circumstance, I am a follower of Christ!



Love y'all! :)
~M~

It's Resurrection Day!

I haven't blogged in so long...what a month March was, God was stretching and pulling...and I was grunting like I do in yoga class, wonder when's this session gunna end?!  I have so much to share but can't yet find the words...so in the mean time, to get myself back in the grove, I thought I'd share a lil sumthin' from my Facebook, in honor of Easter.  More to come, though - promise! :)

Love y'all!
~M~

Sinkhole Saints

Friday there was finally a break in the rain. I ventured out of the Ark and decided to celebrate the overcast-but-reasonably-ok-and-safe-to-possibly-get-lost-before-the-next-wave-(literally) weather and take a new route home. Or more specifically, a road that from the looks of things, led in the general direction of the city where I live.

The first part of the road, ran parallel to the highway, so I knew I’d be safe. As I drove along I casually looked toward the highway and did a double take when I saw huge gaping holes in the earth beneath the road. Large metal arches held up the highway, so pass-throughs could be created for the ranches on either side. I was shocked to see this, because from my usual daily view on the highway, I could see none of it – the highway looked like it was built on solid ground. But from this new perspective, I could see that “solid ground” looked like Swiss cheese.

Today on the way to work, I noticed a sign telling us the highway would be closed tomorrow. The entire highway?! When I got to work, I learned it would only be a small portion, just past the exit I take to get to and from work. A sinkhole had developed right in the middle of the road. Sinkholes are caused by water gradually eating away at the earth in a specific area, until whatever is on top is too heavy and sinks into the empty space the water caused. I learned that in this part of California, sinkholes are not uncommon, because the earth is sandy, the area floods in the winter and the overall infrastructure is old.

For so many of us, our relationships with Christ are like the highway I travel on to and from work. It looks good on the outside – everything appears to be firm and supported, just where it’s supposed to be. But if you look closer – perhaps from another angle – there are holes. If the foundation we build our relationships with God on is weak, then when trials, temptations or valley seasons come, those insidious challenges will diligently eat away at what little foundation we have and we will cave under the pressure.

We must be on the lookout for what the enemy persistently uses to eat away at our foundation, because the enemy’s goal is to kill, steal and destroy. Spiritually, we cannot rely on an old infrastructure – lessons learned in youth group, or the Christian counselor from the Boy Scout camping trip in 5th grade. We can’t rely on the Serenity prayer from AA or get our fix from a friend’s faith in Christ. We must continuously work to solidify our individual foundations in Him.

“He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." Luke 6:48-49

Love y'all!
~M~

Deliverance

(noun) deliverance

1. the act of delivering or freeing from restraint, captivity, peril, and the like; rescue; as, the deliverance of a captive
2. any fact or truth which is decisively attested or intuitively known as a psychological or philosophical datum; as, the deliverance of consciousness

Yesterday was a great day. There was literally nothing bad about my day. Yet, for some reason, last night I found myself in a funk. I even tried to cry a couple of times, to no avail. When I woke up this morning, the feeling still lingered. On the way to work, I reminded myself that my life is God’s and that I want to be content with His will for me – just in case I had forgotten that, and it might have caused a little blister in my spiritual life. When a friend forwarded me a Daily Thought, as she often does, I replied to her text and told her I felt…funny and would she please give me something interesting to ponder (as she often does). I am sure my relationship with this particular friend is God ordained. That’s not to say none others are, but this one, I am sure is. She responded to my text by emailing me at work to encourage me.

“Maybe you’re mourning not having something to mourn…” she suggested, “you might be trying to miss something that in reality, you just don’t have a taste for actually missing anymore.” I realized simply and quickly that…she’s right. My time in California has been such an amazing time with God. I rededicated my life to Christ – I can’t believe it’s been five months already – and I have been taking steps daily to grow and develop my relationship with Him. It’s not just my spiritual life that I am giving to Him to change, but my whole life. He is with me while I experience fitness and health. He is with me, while I figure out boundaries with my family and while I discover what it is that I want in a community and an environment. He is with me while I am stretched and challenged at work. He is with me in everything that is happening in my life right now. And more importantly, he is delivering me. Christ is delivering me from fear and from anxiety, from unnecessary habits and insecurities. He is delivering me from immaturity and apathy and anger and self hate.

When I read my friend’s email, I realized – the old Mianna would be anxious for work, knowing it’s going to be challenging and even downright hard (and btw, it today was). The old Mianna would be eager to fast forward to finding a new job in DC already over her current surroundings. The old Mianna would be bummed out as Valentine’s Day approaches and the old Mianna would be easily convinced to work through lunch rather than go to the gym or to consider a hike on the beach “enough” exercise and not walk her dog for a mile the same evening. But the new Mianna…she is not anxious about work, because she knows it will be hard…but she knows who is in control. She is excited for a job in DC that will take her home…but she is equally excited to experience all of the adventures that California has before she leaves. The new Mianna knows Valentine’s Day is coming and already has plans. The new Mianna runs at lunch and channels those endorphins towards a productive afternoon and she hikes the beach with friends and walks her dog for a mile because she knows he loves it...and it wouldn’t kill her to make him happy.

I have been delivered from so much in these last few months and although I am so grateful, I have not been standing in the fullness of that one, simple fact. I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me. Not standing in the power and in the strength and the light of God’s deliverance is as good (or bad) as not accepting it at all. So today was another milestone in this season of self discovery. Today is the day I choose to own the changes God is making in my life. Not as new and interesting, but as my reality – a part of me. I’m no longer trying or starting, or beginning these things. As of today, I simply am these things.

"...Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today." ~ Exodus 14:13



Love y'all,
~M~

Not Me, but He

I pulled my sleeves up and found my forearms covered with angry little red bumps – from elbow to wrist and even wrapping around to the backs of my hands.  Seeing them in that moment, I came to realize they itch too - a lot.  Fabulous.  For years, I’ve had a stress related skin condition that usually shows up on my face and in my hair line that just looks like dry skin…but itchy microscopic bumps, this is something new.

Stress.  It can manifest intself in the greatest ways.

When I returned from DC a few weeks ago, I knew a challenge was waiting for me.  The day I came back, one of our Specialists started a new job in a different department and our supervisor left for extended, international leave for five weeks, leaving myself and one other Specialist to service the entire Air Force base that we work on. Before my trip, I didn’t care to know the details of who was taking what assignments from the departing Specialist (I knew regardless of details, the coming weeks would be trying) but I did notice it took her three trips to my office to move my share of her files and only one trip (and one hand) to deliver my counterpart’s share. When I came back from DC, the Specialist who left told me that with my original workload and my share of what was hers, I would now be servicing approximately 70% of the base.

Yeah. I haven't verified her math, I'm too afraid (lol).

Instead, I’m taking my job one day at a time. I have over 100 plates spinning and at any given moment one could drop…or I could catch it and keep it spinning. So far, I’ve been able to keep them all spinning away. But I haven’t been doing it on my own and the experience, although stressful, makes me curious and thankful to God. There have been many moments when I have literally put something down and said, “Lord, this is yours. If you want me to succeed, so be it – please take this from me and do what you want.” I have taken to making a hand gesture my pastor suggested on the first day of 2010: hands out, palms down. I am giving this up. This is not mine but yours, Lord. Have your way. I can’t take credit for keeping things working because I honestly don’t know how I’m doing it, other than to say that it’s not me, but He who making this happen.

Relief will come in three weeks when our boss returns and several weeks after that, the new Specialist will start and we’ll be able to split the workload three ways again. Until then, I am working and sleeping and fending off a cold, afraid to miss even two hours on Wednesdays for my appointments with my therapist. I’m also becoming more active in my church, attending Community Bible Study and trying to find time to be social with new friends. I’m training for my first 10K, working twice weekly with my personal trainer, reading the Bible in a year and trying to make sure Malachi doesn’t spend 20 hours a day locked up and alone.

So when I discovered my creepy little bumps that make me itch like I have bugs, I can’t say I was all that surprised. But despite what my body appears to think, I know I can do this. I will chug my quarts of OJ directly from the bottle while taking a customer's call and replying to an email with a third customer waiting in the lobby. I will run my multiple miles at lunch and fall asleep reading my Bible. I'll play with Malachi (and bribe him with yummies) and take notes at CBS...and I will even occassionally write a blog.  I know this stressful season will pass and I know I can make it through – successfully – because I can do all things. And not all things through me, but through He who strengthens me.

Love y'all!
~M~

Happy Birthday, Jesus

Mary, did you know

that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know

that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know

that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?

This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know

that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?

Mary, did you know

that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?

Did you know

that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?

When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know…

The blind will see.

The deaf will hear.

The dead will live again.

The lame will leap.

The dumb will speak

The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know

that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know

that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know

that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?

The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

...Originally written by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene...