Deliverance

(noun) deliverance

1. the act of delivering or freeing from restraint, captivity, peril, and the like; rescue; as, the deliverance of a captive
2. any fact or truth which is decisively attested or intuitively known as a psychological or philosophical datum; as, the deliverance of consciousness

Yesterday was a great day. There was literally nothing bad about my day. Yet, for some reason, last night I found myself in a funk. I even tried to cry a couple of times, to no avail. When I woke up this morning, the feeling still lingered. On the way to work, I reminded myself that my life is God’s and that I want to be content with His will for me – just in case I had forgotten that, and it might have caused a little blister in my spiritual life. When a friend forwarded me a Daily Thought, as she often does, I replied to her text and told her I felt…funny and would she please give me something interesting to ponder (as she often does). I am sure my relationship with this particular friend is God ordained. That’s not to say none others are, but this one, I am sure is. She responded to my text by emailing me at work to encourage me.

“Maybe you’re mourning not having something to mourn…” she suggested, “you might be trying to miss something that in reality, you just don’t have a taste for actually missing anymore.” I realized simply and quickly that…she’s right. My time in California has been such an amazing time with God. I rededicated my life to Christ – I can’t believe it’s been five months already – and I have been taking steps daily to grow and develop my relationship with Him. It’s not just my spiritual life that I am giving to Him to change, but my whole life. He is with me while I experience fitness and health. He is with me, while I figure out boundaries with my family and while I discover what it is that I want in a community and an environment. He is with me while I am stretched and challenged at work. He is with me in everything that is happening in my life right now. And more importantly, he is delivering me. Christ is delivering me from fear and from anxiety, from unnecessary habits and insecurities. He is delivering me from immaturity and apathy and anger and self hate.

When I read my friend’s email, I realized – the old Mianna would be anxious for work, knowing it’s going to be challenging and even downright hard (and btw, it today was). The old Mianna would be eager to fast forward to finding a new job in DC already over her current surroundings. The old Mianna would be bummed out as Valentine’s Day approaches and the old Mianna would be easily convinced to work through lunch rather than go to the gym or to consider a hike on the beach “enough” exercise and not walk her dog for a mile the same evening. But the new Mianna…she is not anxious about work, because she knows it will be hard…but she knows who is in control. She is excited for a job in DC that will take her home…but she is equally excited to experience all of the adventures that California has before she leaves. The new Mianna knows Valentine’s Day is coming and already has plans. The new Mianna runs at lunch and channels those endorphins towards a productive afternoon and she hikes the beach with friends and walks her dog for a mile because she knows he loves it...and it wouldn’t kill her to make him happy.

I have been delivered from so much in these last few months and although I am so grateful, I have not been standing in the fullness of that one, simple fact. I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me. Not standing in the power and in the strength and the light of God’s deliverance is as good (or bad) as not accepting it at all. So today was another milestone in this season of self discovery. Today is the day I choose to own the changes God is making in my life. Not as new and interesting, but as my reality – a part of me. I’m no longer trying or starting, or beginning these things. As of today, I simply am these things.

"...Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today." ~ Exodus 14:13



Love y'all,
~M~