Not Me, but He

I pulled my sleeves up and found my forearms covered with angry little red bumps – from elbow to wrist and even wrapping around to the backs of my hands.  Seeing them in that moment, I came to realize they itch too - a lot.  Fabulous.  For years, I’ve had a stress related skin condition that usually shows up on my face and in my hair line that just looks like dry skin…but itchy microscopic bumps, this is something new.

Stress.  It can manifest intself in the greatest ways.

When I returned from DC a few weeks ago, I knew a challenge was waiting for me.  The day I came back, one of our Specialists started a new job in a different department and our supervisor left for extended, international leave for five weeks, leaving myself and one other Specialist to service the entire Air Force base that we work on. Before my trip, I didn’t care to know the details of who was taking what assignments from the departing Specialist (I knew regardless of details, the coming weeks would be trying) but I did notice it took her three trips to my office to move my share of her files and only one trip (and one hand) to deliver my counterpart’s share. When I came back from DC, the Specialist who left told me that with my original workload and my share of what was hers, I would now be servicing approximately 70% of the base.

Yeah. I haven't verified her math, I'm too afraid (lol).

Instead, I’m taking my job one day at a time. I have over 100 plates spinning and at any given moment one could drop…or I could catch it and keep it spinning. So far, I’ve been able to keep them all spinning away. But I haven’t been doing it on my own and the experience, although stressful, makes me curious and thankful to God. There have been many moments when I have literally put something down and said, “Lord, this is yours. If you want me to succeed, so be it – please take this from me and do what you want.” I have taken to making a hand gesture my pastor suggested on the first day of 2010: hands out, palms down. I am giving this up. This is not mine but yours, Lord. Have your way. I can’t take credit for keeping things working because I honestly don’t know how I’m doing it, other than to say that it’s not me, but He who making this happen.

Relief will come in three weeks when our boss returns and several weeks after that, the new Specialist will start and we’ll be able to split the workload three ways again. Until then, I am working and sleeping and fending off a cold, afraid to miss even two hours on Wednesdays for my appointments with my therapist. I’m also becoming more active in my church, attending Community Bible Study and trying to find time to be social with new friends. I’m training for my first 10K, working twice weekly with my personal trainer, reading the Bible in a year and trying to make sure Malachi doesn’t spend 20 hours a day locked up and alone.

So when I discovered my creepy little bumps that make me itch like I have bugs, I can’t say I was all that surprised. But despite what my body appears to think, I know I can do this. I will chug my quarts of OJ directly from the bottle while taking a customer's call and replying to an email with a third customer waiting in the lobby. I will run my multiple miles at lunch and fall asleep reading my Bible. I'll play with Malachi (and bribe him with yummies) and take notes at CBS...and I will even occassionally write a blog.  I know this stressful season will pass and I know I can make it through – successfully – because I can do all things. And not all things through me, but through He who strengthens me.

Love y'all!
~M~