When I first moved to Maryland in the Spring of 2007, I found a church that met at a high school a handful of blocks from where my apartment had been. For reasons I can’t even remember today, I didn’t end up making that church my home and so started the journey that has brought me to where I am today. But yesterday, after walking just a few blocks from my current apartment…I found myself at that very same church again. They were having a celebration, because they are preparing to open their new building – not even a mile from where I live.
Yesterday I went to a wonderful women’s conference at a church that a friend of mine is very active in. At the last minute she wasn’t able to attend with me, so I contemplated skipping it all together. On Friday evening, a different friend came by for some girl time and to meet Malachi. She’s a Christian as well so I confessed that I wanted to skip the event out of fear. Together we agreed that would be a bad idea and discussed all the reasons why. Then, Saturday morning she texted me to make sure I was up and getting ready to go. The conference speaker was the best I’ve heard in a long time and I was blessed beyond measure by attending.
On the way to church this morning I was struck by two separate thoughts. Bitterness that the man I was planning to marry just a few months ago, would be so impatient with me while I struggled to find myself here and the knowledge that I hadn’t yet returned the paperwork for membership at my church, or the application to work with the youth group. The thoughts converging on me at the same time where overwhelming and have distracted me for most of the afternoon. This area I have moved to, it holds so much promise and opportunity for me. I feel like a kid in a candy store, I can’t decide what I want to try first. I can’t wait to jump in and experience all of it. Be consumed by it, I want to be used by God here and to touch lives and be touched by lives. I can’t wait!
But, I must. Because God doesn’t work in my time, but his. He loves me, so He might give me glimpses of all of these opportunities…but it’s my job to follow, not to run up ahead. Because if I push too hard – if I am impatient and restless – then I may change the outcome of my efforts all together. Something beautiful could be lost just because I couldn’t just wait.
It’s not easy, this waiting business. But I know I have tools to do it. I have prayer, I have people who love and support me and I have lots and lots of time – I have my whole life, if necessary – and I would rather see the miracles that result from God’s timing then the “ok” results from mine.
So I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, here. Continue to take each opportunity to meet people and share in experiences. And just the same way that spring is already on its way - the Spring that will mark the fourth year of this adventure - when it arrives, I’ll be in a different place from where I am now. I’m so curious to see where it will be, and what it will be like but for now I have to trust that it will come and it will be wonderful, because this time I gave it to God to develop.
Yesterday I went to a wonderful women’s conference at a church that a friend of mine is very active in. At the last minute she wasn’t able to attend with me, so I contemplated skipping it all together. On Friday evening, a different friend came by for some girl time and to meet Malachi. She’s a Christian as well so I confessed that I wanted to skip the event out of fear. Together we agreed that would be a bad idea and discussed all the reasons why. Then, Saturday morning she texted me to make sure I was up and getting ready to go. The conference speaker was the best I’ve heard in a long time and I was blessed beyond measure by attending.
On the way to church this morning I was struck by two separate thoughts. Bitterness that the man I was planning to marry just a few months ago, would be so impatient with me while I struggled to find myself here and the knowledge that I hadn’t yet returned the paperwork for membership at my church, or the application to work with the youth group. The thoughts converging on me at the same time where overwhelming and have distracted me for most of the afternoon. This area I have moved to, it holds so much promise and opportunity for me. I feel like a kid in a candy store, I can’t decide what I want to try first. I can’t wait to jump in and experience all of it. Be consumed by it, I want to be used by God here and to touch lives and be touched by lives. I can’t wait!
But, I must. Because God doesn’t work in my time, but his. He loves me, so He might give me glimpses of all of these opportunities…but it’s my job to follow, not to run up ahead. Because if I push too hard – if I am impatient and restless – then I may change the outcome of my efforts all together. Something beautiful could be lost just because I couldn’t just wait.
It’s not easy, this waiting business. But I know I have tools to do it. I have prayer, I have people who love and support me and I have lots and lots of time – I have my whole life, if necessary – and I would rather see the miracles that result from God’s timing then the “ok” results from mine.
So I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, here. Continue to take each opportunity to meet people and share in experiences. And just the same way that spring is already on its way - the Spring that will mark the fourth year of this adventure - when it arrives, I’ll be in a different place from where I am now. I’m so curious to see where it will be, and what it will be like but for now I have to trust that it will come and it will be wonderful, because this time I gave it to God to develop.
Love y'all!
~M~
~M~
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