This week, I celebrated two months back in Montgomery County and tomorrow will be two months at my new job. And lemmie tell you, what a couple of months it’s been…! I look around and nothing I see, is the way it was “supposed” to be. Not only is everything different from what I imagined and planed it would be, but when I look in the mirror, even my reflection is different. My hips are wider, and my FUPA is more determined than ever to conquer my profile. My arms wave opposite of my hand and my “natural hair color” now starts far enough down my head that I’m giving myself away. When M&M was discontinued, I went on a three week emotional hiatus – I allowed myself any form of comfort food (thereby establishing a new addiction to Monte Cristo sandwiches – oh.em.gee.), embraced the “fresh faced” (read no make-up) look, indulged in wine with dinner every night and avoided every form of physical exertion.
This leap into apathy regarding my well-being and appearance was only the final step. I’d been inching to the edge since I arrived here. The twice weekly, hour long sweat sessions with my personal trainer in California, has been reduced to once a week for 30 minutes. My daily 30 minute cardio routine has whittled away to once or twice a week for 45 minutes, if I make the effort to fit it in. My only food ritual – a healthy breakfast – has been replaced with the morning latte (sometimes two) and I drink more wine, then water. I’ve been to a chiropractor, a massage therapist and had my hair done exactly once each since I got here. Walking around Bethesda with a friend recently, I admired her pep and the way her heels matched her top. I realized…I’ve let myself go.
Earlier this week, I decided to fill an evening with a little retail therapy. I wandered Macy’s but nothing appealed to me. I tried some things on, but nothing fit my newfound ameba-shaped body properly. After a brief scare when I lost my keys, I left the mall feeling alone, fat and generally unhappy. Last night I went back determined to gain a victory. I hauled armloads of clothes into dressing rooms until my shoulders hurt. Finally, I came out with…one pair of jeans. Yesss. One pair of fitted jeans that didn’t necessarily hide my recently enlarged muffin top, but at least didn’t exacerbate it.
Today was casual Friday so this morning I took the time to put on my great new jeans and a cute top. I added earrings and my new favorite ring that I got at Awakening Fest. I put on my Kenneth Cole wedges that I love, love, love, but hardly ever wear. I did my hair. I did my make-up. I felt fantastic all day. I took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator and I re-applied lip gloss throughout the day. In the afternoon, my cute-shoes-and-top-friend texted me to see if she should make us appointments together to get our hair done. YES!
It was only one pair of jeans…but it felt like a jump start. I could feel the rush – I could remember how good it felt to do strength training regularly. How…hydrated I felt when I drank 62 ounces of water every day. I didn’t carry my stress in my shoulders and my posture was better when I went to a chiropractor and saw a massage therapist regularly. In a nutshell, I was reminded all day long that when I care about myself…I care about myself. That it makes life a little bit easier and really – right now – easier is just what I need!
“How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us.” ~ UnknownLove y’all!
~M~
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