Waiting is the Hardest Part: Part 1

When I was in my mid-twenties, I thought I’d endured my last wedding.  Wedding season seemed to be the years between high school and college graduations.  And as those years passed, I became more and more aware that this was a season I’d be spending on the bench.  It was difficult, because it’s something I want so much – to find the one whom my soul loves.  To belong to someone and conspire to face the rest of our lives, together, no matter what.

Years have passed since that time (ahem, not that many years, but still) and I have lived a full life despite this one desire not being fulfilled.  Now, in the last month, two of my good friends have gotten engaged and are in the middle of wedding planning.  One of them, dearest to my heart, even asked me to be in her wedding.  Leading up to her now fiancé popping the question, I’d secretly wondered how I would feel about the wedding in general and if, by chance, she would ask me to participate.  When the question came, I was honored – and happy to know that my love for my friend overshadowed any other feelings I might have had.  About a week later a friend in Texas called with exciting news; her boyfriend had proposed.  Wow, that’s so…great.

I felt like the parents of a new baby, who just started sleeping through the night, when someone slams a door or makes a loud noise.  The parents freeze and look at each other panicked, waiting…waiting…did we make it, or is she going to react?  Was I going to be happy and excited…or were the feelings from my 20’s when I was benched for the season, going to come back full force?  I was cautiously excited for her, guarding my feelings and my level of exposure to the whole situation, the entire time.

So now I’m helping my dear friend plan the wedding that I’ll be in – and I’m so excited to do it.  She’s a cherished friend and is supportive of my feelings on the entire topic.  Today, my Texas friend emailed me several times, with a website and plans for not just one, but two weddings, this year and next.  I want to be a good friend to her and support her in her exciting time, but I could also feel the panic feeling rising in my shoulders and my chest.  The baby was stirring.  Not fully awake, but restless…will she react?  Will she stay asleep?  Waiting…waiting…would I feel sorry for myself, since my Texas friend is there because I gave her my job?  Would I begin to yearn again for my own lobster (sorry, random “Friends” reference) and that special connection?  Or worse, would I begin to look behind me, or wonder if something is wrong with me?

I decided to read one of the daily email devotionals. The title was “The Waiting is the Hardest Part” and it discussed waiting on God’s perfect timing. Slowly, the baby began to settle down.

I don’t know why God has me still waiting on the sidelines, and then brings someone together with their lobster in record time. I have to trust it’s for a good reason, and I have to believe that like Abram and Sarai, the benefits of waiting and trusting in Him will be more then I could ever imagine. It’s hard, I won’t lie. And it’s a moment-to-moment decision. But I titled this blog “Part 1”, because I have to trust and believe that someday, God will bring me to my Part 2. And small things – like the perfect timing and subject of that devotional – help me believe that He will.

Love y’all,
~M~