Finding My Voice

I got an email from a reader today! So, yeah, if it wasn’t you - then it must be the other one, lol…

My reader asked if I plan to talk more on God’s grace in my life. Good idea, I replied, the trouble is, I don’t know how. How do I articulate the vastness of God or the greatness of his mercy…His kindness…His patience (especially with me)? It’s not the first time I’ve been encouraged to write more on my beliefs and my relationship with God, so it stuck with me and I thought about it all day.  I decided that just because I don't have the answer yet, doesn't mean I can't step out in faith.  It doesn't mean that I can't try...

At work last week, I was standing at the front desk when a little girl, maybe two years old, appeared in the doorway. She was all smiles, dressed in pink, with a brown stuffed monkey strapped to her back. Leading away from the monkey and out of the frame of the doorway, was a narrow brown…leash. Robbin (our receptionist) and I cooed and helloed at the little girl until the leash swayed a little and a woman’s voice said, “C’mon honey, catch up…”

Friday my landlord, Dayna, texted me. She was at my place with a handyman and wanted to know if she could take Malachi out of his crate. Of course, please do, he loves making new friends! I told her if they go outside, he needs his leash, because when he’s excited, he can forget what “Come” means. Later in the afternoon, Dayna texted to report on his performance. “He’s so cute” she said, “and strong for his size! Who would’ve thought he could pull so hard on the leash? I thought my arm was going to come off!”

If I’m going to write in truth, about my Christian walk and about God’s grace, mercy, patience, kindness, then I feel obligated to reveal, that I need a spiritual leash.

So often, I can be like that little girl…and even more often, like my dog. When God wants me to do something – let’s say, give up something I am passionate about – I’ll linger, looking at it, making nice with it, reluctant to move on to whatever is next. God will give my leash a little tug and then sometimes a bigger tug and eventually, like the little girl, I’ll (reluctantly) move on. Other times, God will open a door and, like my Malachi, I’m off like a shot - ready to experience everything about the opportunity, even before I’m clear on what we’re actually doing, exactly. But I’m ready. Ready, willing and able – and I’m off:

“Keep up, God ok? C’mon, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!! You’re falling behind God, but I can’t slow down for you, because I’m doing your work here…c’mon Lord, I can hardly see you now, wouldja catch up, already?? Let’s goooo!” and then, without warning, I’m jerked back to the feet of God, cartoon style. The same way Malachi eventually returns to my ankles, when choking himself half to death just to get a half inch closer to whatever is ahead, has lost its appeal.

When he returns, I chuckle and say, “Good boy, Mal, you’re a good boy.” Surely when that little girl catches up to the owner of the voice & holder of the leash, there is positive reinforcement there. And when I return to God, to lead me on, I believe He is pleased as well.

So, readers (and yes, I’m speaking to both of you now ;), stay with me and my new little blog. Because I’m still finding my voice.

Love y’all,
~M~